Yummy Chocolates!!!

My Home Made Chocolates. Like em?

Happiness

Life can be really funny sometimes. It's can be a roller coaster wherein at one instance you seem to always be at the bottom. And just when you have gotten used to the despondency, suddenly like a rainbow breaking out after the rain, happiness seems to beckon. Like a welcoming light in the sphere of darkness its rays like small hands reaching out to lift you up. But after a long while of being in the dark, it just all seems too good to be true and we hesitate to take the chance to reach out as well for that happiness that beckons. At times it all seems too good to be true and the chance seems so fragile that we fear it will let us down again and put back into that wasteland of gloom.

But as they say, happiness can only be truly appreciated if loneliness has been experienced. And in order for that happiness to be the lasting kind, it has to be cultivated, sprinkled with care and affection in order to grow and bear fruits that will enhance the happiness that already exist.

Healing

Need healing in order to be made whole again.

This is an article I discovered while browsing the net yesterday. Needless to say I can relate a lot to its contents... Healing is the only way...

The Four Levels of Healing."

Sometimes life falls apart and we have to put it back together. When life is broken we want to be made well again. We often seek a cure. To be cured is to eradicate a problem so that it no longer exists. Sometimes we can be cured of our problems. Sometimes we cannot. If we can’t be cured perhaps we can be healed.

Curing and healing are different. Healing is to be made whole, and it is fundamentally a psychological and spiritual process. Healing occurs when we accept the reality of what is and continue to live a full life anyway. Some people live through terrible ordeals and claim that their life was changed for the better because they learned how to become more open and loving. They made fundamental changes in their personality and lifestyle and moved towards wholeness.
Healing occurs at four levels. There is the level of the body and this is what we usually focus on. We seek to make the body well and to be physically healthy.

There are three other levels of healing. These are the emotional, mental, and spiritual levels.
On the emotional level, healing is to be able to accept all of our emotions without judgement and to express them properly to others. It is not to lock them up inside and let them fester. It is not to have emotional explosions. It is not holding back from showing tenderness and love. Emotional healing is being aware of what you feel and being able to engage the emotion. Emotional healing let’s us live fully and deeply.

The mental level refers to our thinking. It is about our attitudes, beliefs, and values. Mental healing is to have the proper perspective on what you are experiencing. It is to understand clearly what is happening and to face it with a positive, realistic attitude. It is to avoid confusion and elaborate worrisome fantasies of what might go wrong. Mental healing keeps you focused in the moment and provides the wisdom needed for daily living.

Spiritual healing brings a deep sense of meaning and purpose. It provides a sense of connection to all that is. It centers you with that which is greater than you – a Higher Power. You are able to look with awe on the simplest events of life and to appreciate the beauty of the smallest moment. No longer feeling isolated you look at the world through the eyes of love and ask, "What can I do for others?"

With these four levels of healing we need to work on each level each day.
What are you doing today for your physical health?
How are you opening to and expressing your emotions today?
Today how will you calm your mind and become focused?
What is your spiritual practice for today? How will you enliven life?

Engage these four levels everyday and you will be taking steps toward your own healing.

The Hour Glass

This is a short story i made several years ago as a requirement in a certain subject. This story is quite meaningful to me and somehow by posting it in here, i hope it will also strike a chord within you and make you reflect and appreciate Life all the more . . .

I have yet to meet anyone like Emily. She was truly unique and one in a million. Though we were only together for a short while, she was one person who had profoundly affected my whole life. Her presence gave more meaning to my life and because of her I did not merely exist, but I LIVED.

I was eight years old when the Portman’s moved in next door. Though it was such a long time ago, I still remember that day clearly as if it were yesterday.

It was a bright Sunday morning; my mom and I were baking some cookies in the kitchen when a huge van stopped next door. I went over to the window and peeked outside and I saw this fragile girl being lifted into an awaiting wheelchair. She was about my age, she had this straight silky black hair that reached only to her chin, her face was pale and had a few smattering of freckles. She had a cute little nose and a Cupid’s bow mouth. The most striking feature she had were her eyes – blue as the sky on a clear sunny day, fringed with long dark lashes. In spite of the obvious fragility of her body, she exuded an air of vitality.

Then I went out to our front porch to get a closer look at the family. One of her brothers was pushing her chair up into the house when she looked in my direction, then on an impulse I waved to her and she smiled and waved back at me.

That afternoon my mom and I went over next door and introduced ourselves. We also brought some of the cookies that we baked that morning.

That first visit was followed by a lot more, especially by me because since then Emily and I had become firm friends. Every time I disappeared from the house, my mom only has to holler “Jancy!” because she knows that I am only next door. Emily was not able to play outside because of her health condition. She had hemophilia – a blood condition when a certain substance in the blood is absent which in turn makes her prone to so much hemorrhage. Emily told me that they moved in order to be closer to the hospital. In a child-like manner I once asked her how she felt about her condition.

" Are you going to die?" I asked her.

She looked thoughtful for a while, "No . . . not yet. It's not yet time. I'm going to prove the doctors wrong you know. They told my parents that I might not even reach the age of eight, well I'm eight now which only shows how wrong they are." she said with determination written on her face.

Then abruptly she said, "Let's nottalk about death anymore, let's just enjoy life for as long as it lasts. Anyway, what are your plans for your future?"

"Well . . . I don't know yet. Anyway I'm not rushing, there is still plenty of time to think about it," I answered her.

She did not say anything to that, but she looked wistful when she said, "You know I really want to become a doctor, I want to specialize in pediatrics. I feel like I am being called to help the children who are sick just like me. I have seen them you know, in the hospitals that we've been to. Some are even a worse case than me and it makes me think that maybe there's something I can do to help ease their pain."

That innocent converstaion that we had stuck to my mind like a glue.

Emily proved the doctors wrong. although there were times I could see the physical pain she was feeling was almost too much to bear, still she held on. Seven years went by and in that seven years she had numerous transfusions in order to replace the bood that she had lost. Emily and I had the same blood type so I gave her some of mine which for me was symbolic because for me it further cemented tthe bond that we already share.

Everything was fine, or so we thought, when Emily's conditon turned for the worst. Then in the twilight Emily finally said goodbye.

I was just coming home from schoolwhen Isaw the ambualnce in fron of their house,then I knew. I rushed into her room but it was already too late,her family was on her bedside crying. I couldn't breathe, my mind went blank but I couldfeel this gaping emptiness inside my breast. Then her mom saw me and she looked into my eyes and said "she's gone". That's the moment I felt my chest explode with great wrenching sobs because my friend is gone forever and I could never see her, or talk to her again.

"No . . . ! I didn't even get to say goodbye. Emily, you didn't even give me the chance to say goodbye...!" I sobbed out.

"It's okay, listen to me Jancy, she understands . . . Emily understands." Mrs. Portman hugged me to her and together we cried for the one we lost.

During the burial, her mom gave mea letter from Emily. That letter was the only thing that helped me make it through that time. It said,

Dear Jancy,

I know by the time you read this I'll be gone. Don't be sad dearest Jan, because you know in your heart that I will always be with you.

You have a future that is bright and promising, do not be afraid. Be strong and courageous for success comes to those who strive hard enough.

Jan you know life is so precious, every waking minute counts. Just like the sands in an hour-glass, there is no way we can stop it from trickling away - a moment, then it's gone forever. Please don't waste a moment of your life dearest Jan.

Don't be sad, I will always be with you . . .

Love, Emily

I still have that letter with me as I stand here today, beside the grave of the girl - my friend who opened my eyes to life. Emily your dream lives in me .

To may dearest Emily - my friend - thank you for stepping into my life. . .

I Want to Go

Why do we feel pain? Why can’t it be all joy and smiles?
Why can’t you see the anguish I am going through?
Help me now or never
Tomorrow might just be too late
For dark clouds are just above…beckoning me to succumb
With us you can rest, they say
No longer will you feel the anguish deep inside
We will be the one to stand by you until the last breath is gone
Comfort you, take away your pain
We will set you free from the burdens that you carry…
And how I want to, I want to be free
Please let me go with you for I feel I can no longer endure
Take away my breath as painlessly as you can
For I want to go…
I want to go where no more pain can reach me
Close my eyes so I will not see and just let me be
I want to go and be free…

Something Beautiful

The Beauty of Love

The question is asked, "Is there anything more beautiful in life than a boy and a girl clasping clean hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be anything more beautiful than young love?"

And the answer is given. "Yes, there is a more beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled, but still clasped; their faces are seamed, but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed and tired, but still strong with love and devotion for one another. Yes, there is a more beautiful thing than young love. Old love."


this is from inspirationalstories.com

Quote for the Day

LI found this quote early this morning. It's quite inspiring...because when all else fails you'll only have yourself ...


“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”

Question

I just have one question...

Can a person genuinely care for and love another without experiencing pain?

Share your opinion...

Psalms 23

PSALMS 23

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Whenever i feel alone and it feels like the world is caving in on me, i close my eyes and recite this verse in my mind. When i do, i feel peace inside. Its like, God has me enfolded in his embrace and no one and nothing can harm me... I am with my heavenly Father; He understands my problems, He listens and knows all of my fears, even those that I cannot voice out and outwardly express...He knows it all... And no matter what wrongs and mistakes I've done in my life, against others and against Him, He forgives and accepts me as I am... I know there's only a handful of people who really accepts me for what I am, not only my good qualities but especially the imperfections in my life. But even with these people sometimes I still have second thoughts in really expressing my thoughts and my fears for fear that they might judge me. But with God I know that is not so, for He understands everything and will forgive me despite wrong things I've done. It is only God, MY HEAVENLY FATHER who can really LOVE ME UNCONDITIONALLY...

Contemplation

The Lord is so good that with every suffering and disapppointment that comes our way, He always gives back more than what was taken away. I remember a particular text message that was passed on to me by a friend that goes like this, "When God asks us to put something down, that's because he wants us to pick up something better." Im not sure I got it all correctly but I'm sure you get the point.

It's true that when hardships hit us we always tend to ask, why is this happening to me? But I believe everything happens for a reason. There used to be a time when i didn't, but experience really is the best teacher. Sometimes when things don't materialize the way we expect them to, the natural urge is to question, which we ougth not to do ( though I know its hard not to). After a while we will realize that the disappointments are really blessings in disguise because there is something better out there waiting.

These difficulties also have a purpose. They are somehow used to polish us so that we will come forth as a precious gem. They serve as tools to remove the rough edges in our personality and our character so that we will become better persons. Through these things we are able to know ourselves better. We realize our weaknesses - accept them and find ways to turn them into stregths. We also learn our strong points and use them to improve oursleves and also to help others who are in need of it. But whether in times of trials or in hours of joy, we have a constant Companion who watches over us. He has been there from the start, He's with us now and will be with us till the end of the age.

these eyes

Just look at those eyes! Wish i had eyes like that.. not that big though.. but as vivid and alive as this owl's eyes.

this particular creature is an eagle owl. I've almost forgotten the facts about owls and so i browsed for some information about them. Did you know that owls are very interesting? Their eyes are fixed on their socket... yep they can't move or roll their eyes that is why they have to twist their neck in order to see what's on the side or behind them, but only up to 135 degrees.

And did you know that they far-sighted creatures? Maybe you can stick your face up close to it and it won't see you..lolzz that's just a maybe..

Owls are interesting, this one in particular.. love the vivid color of its huge eyes!

Again

For a time all blue and sunny skies
But now dark clouds again are hovering above
Thought I had risen over theme before
Yet now here they are again, ever descending and
Enclosing me in its darkness
Until I can no longer see a speck of light
Reaching out though I am nothing I can grasp
Helplessly I feel myself falling in the abyss where I once was
The pain and the agony…ever growing, ever near
Overwhelming me until I feel I am no more
My spirit leaving me until I will be just a shell of my former self
Like before I cry yet no one seems to hear
In my brain I hear myself screaming, sound just
Echoing inside
I need your help but you’re not here
For you have turned away…
And I am alone, ever alone…again…

I Don't Know

Never thought there could be so much pain
But as some say, when you love likewise there is pain
It’s just a long drawn-out battle between joy and pain
So thin a line that separate,
Go out of sphere and you end up on the other side
Maybe overstepped the line I did and hurt you
I’ve said sorry but do you have to hurt me too?
And now I just don’t know where we stand
Do we stand together or are we divided
In my self I try to search the answer but cannot find
It is only you who holds the key. . .

Know more about me

This description really fits, so for those who want to know more about me, this is the perfect tool. This is from pravsworld.com.

Know Yourself ::: Cancer


If a Cancer has an interest in you, they will drop subtle clues. Don't expect them to be forward, as they don't know how to be.Since they have a tendency to be old-fashion in beliefs, the perfect date would be tickets to the theater, a romantic restaurant, or a cultural event. As they tend to be romantic day dreamers, and reflect in the past, bring up some old stories so that they can relate some of theirs. Show an interest to this sentimentalist when they bring out their collections or old pictures.

They thrive on admiration and praise. Let them know how much you admire them. Compliments will get you everywhere. Ask their opinion, and be sure to be sincere about hearing their response.

Keep in mind that a Cancerian hates rejection and is extremely cautious about making any commitment. They will try to avoid giving an answer, and whatever you do, don't try to rush them into one.

Usually if the answer is no, they will go to all lengths to avoid the subject

The Cancer has an excellent memory and a jealous nature. Because they can recall situations in their past very easily, it would be a tremendous mistake to ever be insincere to this person.

To them betrayal is devastating, and it will take a very long time for them to forgive, and to top it off, they may never forget. Once emotionally wounded, there will always be a void in the relationship.

Emotional and financial security is of the utmost importance in this relationship. They don't like frivolous spending, since it means a loss of control and security.

If you can give an enormous amount of attention and constant reassurance, you have found the perfect mate. In return you will find Cancer to be affectionate, romantic, sympathetic, imaginative, and quite seductive.

Although they tend to want your complete devotion, if they are in love, they will cherish and protect their partner always.

Nature Walk

Going out for nature walk is one of the programs our church has agreed upon to make our Sabbath afternoon more lively. These pictures were taken during our first nature walk. enjoy!!!

Our True Selves?

Whenever someone asks me to describe myself, somehow I always find it hard to do so. Does this mean I don't really know myself? MAYBE. I know I am not alone in this matter. It always makes me think that when the subject is already about the self most people would shy away from the subject. This is very evident especially in school. Whenever students are tasked to do an essay about them they would groan and moan about it. Another example is during job interviews. The question tell about us about yourself or describe yourself is always being asked. How do we answer? Of course we only say desirable and favorable things about ourselves so that we would gain their approval. We even practice the dialogue so that it will come out right. Is this a manifestation that we truly and fully know ourselves?

Now why is it hard to talk about ourselves? I think one reason is the one i mentioned before. He does not himself that well. Another reason - most are afraid of revealing their true selves to others, for fear that if they show weakness it will be used against him. We may not notice it but, most of us wear "masks", (though not the literal "mask" that we put on)! This mask cannot be seen others, only those who know you very well will know if you are putting on a "mask" or an act/pretense/ to shield or hide your real self.

Though there some people who can easily answer when they are asked about things regarding themselves and their personalities. Some of them easily disclose their ideals . . sometimes they even say things that are better left confidential. Is this the manifestation of a person who truly knows himself inside and out? Actually I don't know. What is really the basis when we can already say that “I fully know myself" or " I know who I am", without any hesitation?
Well I believe everyday is a learning experience. It does not just take like 5, 20 years or even 40 years for us to be fully acquainted with our true selves. Each circumstance, every person we encounter and everything that we achieve helps us get to know our inner selves better each day.

Personality Test

Big Five Test Results

Extroversion (44%) moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and private. Friendliness (59%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly kind natured, trusting, and helpful at the expense of your own individual development (martyr complex). Orderliness (85%) very high which suggests you are overly organized, neat, structured and restrained at the expense too often of flexibility, variety, spontaneity, and fun. Emotional Stability (26%) low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious. Openmindedness (46%) medium which suggests you are moderately intellectual, curious, and imaginative.

Take Free Big Five Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Our Pics

Got My New Digi Cam!!!

I've been hankering for a digi cam for a long time now but my finances just didn't warrant it... But last week while looking around on ebay i saw this Kodak easyshare cam and decided it was too good to pass up. So i placed by bid.. and I WON!!! wow y first won item on ebay hehhehe. So this morning it finally arrived 9:30 via Air21. I can now enjoy taking pictures gorgeous panoramas and special occassions or just anything under the sun... hehe my Kodak EasyShare LS743!!!

Don't wonder if you can't see the cam in the pics posted coz its the one i used to take those haha!

Dealing with Depression

The past few days has been a very difficult time for me. I don't know if you can relate to the feeling like you're just standing on an abyss and with just one step you'll fall right over the edge... And i can't even sleep properly anymore or eat. When i do sleep, its only in a fitful doze and i will wake up in the middle of the night, just wishing the sun would come up soon and free me from the darkness... when i eat, a few tablespoons that after a eating i only feel like throwing up... Sometimes, i feel like the weight is just becoming too much but i don't want to sink into depression again... so i began browsing online for some helpful tips/articles that can help... The following paragraphs are lifted from www.allaboutlifechallenges.com. The last paragraph has been especially helpful for me...

Coping With Depression - Medical OptionsCoping with depression is possible and there are many options. Depression can sometimes be caused by a chemical imbalance and medications are often used to correct this imbalance. A physician can prescribe the appropriate medications or refer you to another doctor who is more knowledgeable. There are several antidepressants available and sometimes more than one medication may be suggested. Your physician may prescribe which medication to use based on several factors:
How has depression affected your activity patterns?
Have your eating patterns been affected?
How have your sleep patterns varied since the depression began?
Have your interest patterns changed?



Other components, such as anxiety, will also help determine which, if any, medication to use. Sometimes a trial and error method may be used to find the most effective medication for you which can often result in greater emotional distress.


Coping With Depression - Therapy OptionsThere are also therapy options for coping with depression, such as talking with a qualified counselor who can talk through problems with you, teach coping skills, and provide support systems. I went to a Christian therapist. At times, this was a challenge for me. He would tell me to look to my faith for answers and I wanted to scream. I was looking to my faith, but I was not finding the answers. Or perhaps, I was getting answers, but I wanted different ones! We were able to discuss circumstances and I learned how to cope in various situations. My depressed feelings began to lift and I began to cope with challenges in my life. I began finding strength in my faith.


Coping With Depression - Finding True Self Worth - A big means of coping with depression came through finding my true self worth. I had previously based my self worth on the approval of my friends and on my ability to perform in my job. When I could no longer fulfill my work responsibilities due to injury, I felt worthless. Over time, I began to realize that my true self worth does not come from within me. It comes from God-my Creator. God loves me. Through this tremendous love, I have once again found worth and significance in my life. He is my significance! 1 Thessalonians 2:12 says, "...walk worthy of God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory."

Where To Belong?

Work has just started, i haven't even made a headway with the proofreading/editing that i have to do. Garbled thoughts are just running throuhg my head and I just have to write them down and make sense of them. So if anyone's reading this, just be patient...

Today is the 20th of June, and the day after tomorrow is going to be my birthday. Wow, im turning 25 then, it's kind of overwhelming ... mixed emotions of happy, anxious, sad, its hard to expalin. But really how am i supposed to feel? It's like i've been alive in this earth yet its always making me think, so far what have i achieved in my 25 years? Not much that's for sure. Somehow it feels like time if running our on me ... and its like everyhting is just so unstable at this time. A lot of changes is going to take place in a few weeks especially in my family..

My brother is getting married next month. This morning when i was on the jeepney on my way here it just sunk in that both my siblings will already have a family of their own... They'll have their own family circle, somewhere that they can belong for the rest of their life ... it just makes me wonder within myself "where does that leave me?" Just thinking about it makes me think and feel like a displaced waif. Like a fledgeling that must leave the nest and find her own...

Can you make sense of what I'm saying here? troubled thoughts are really hard to fathom. Maybe this is really what you call the quarter life crisis (QLC) as researched by my friend dexter. But i know it's not only me who's in this stage right now. I just hope the pieces fall in their right places soon, soon soon!!!!

Feels Like Home To Me

This song says all that I feel at this very moment ... It's all here . . .

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself

Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms

There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast

Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been

And how long I've been so alone

And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along

And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street

And a siren wails in the night

But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me

And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me

And how long I've waited for your touch

And if you knew how happy you are making me

I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong